Category Archives: venting

Endings….what are they good for?

Posted on November 28, 2011 by wendy| 4 Comments

In case you didn’t know, it is almost December. Which means it is almost the end of 2011. Which means another, nauseating round of the Year in Reviews permeating the airwaves and those tubes on the interwebz.

Does anyone like endings? They seem to just stress us out and make us reach for a big, stiff hey, hey watch your language, buddy drink, I was gonna say.
If you’re over the age of nine months days, you know that they are a huge drag. Can you ever feel happy about an ending? Well, possibly a few people can, I guess…
But we’re not talking about them. Pay attention.

We non-paying customers seem to voluntarily head straight into things that seem good or enriching or fun, but clearly have an ending. Relationships, vacations, chocolate chocolate cake…but my best example for pretty much everything is television.

Pick a show you love. Watch it. Think about the characters in your off-time you do that, too, right?. Get involved. Guess what? Canceled! Even those stalwart classics that we thought would never end, do , I’m looking at you As the World Turns.
Yes, we’re completely bummed and left with a big, empty feeling when our show is done.

And yet, what do we do?

Thanks to Netflix, not only do we start watching shows again, we pick shows that we already know before we even watch Episode 1 have been canceled.
And frankly, no matter how many times I watch that Firefly series, knowing it will end, I nonetheless feel surprised and ripped off when I get to the last episode.

So, what do we do with that? We mourn, we pace around, we vent, we grieve, we vent we polish off that bottle of malbec, we shake our heads at the injustice, and then like a strung-out addict in a filthy, back alley with two dollars, a friend and a rat scurrying across our ankles, we go back to search Netflix for more.
Surely, this time we won’t be disappointed…

Got any new (or “new” old) shows you’re watching this fall?

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Posted in aging, growth, me-me-me, questions, venting

Sunrise Over Stupidity

Posted on October 30, 2011 by wendy| 2 Comments

Idiots come in many forms; sometimes, they can even be spotted in my a mirror.

But every now and then one pops up from the outside, directly in your face.

And what is a blog for if not to vent about idiots? I mean, really, I could lose my blogger membership card if I miss this opportunity.

Here’s my most recent idiot encounter:

So, I’m taking another improv class in a complex scheme to avoid housework, taught by him here, and one of the students is a guy who’s been in a couple of other improv classes with me. We won’t name names, but let’s just say his name rhymes with “gall.”

We hadn’t been in a class together for at least six months, I’m a little nervous about not censoring myself like I do to live in my world, and Gall sits down next to me.

Hey, how’s it going, Gall? I say.

Oh, great…been seeing some plays, this and this… Have you seen those?

No, I’m doing good getting here, ya know.

Do you have kids?

Yea, I have an eight year old.

YOU have an eight year old?? Sheer shock at this modern medical miracle began to register on his old face.

As I see this I start to think, just how old do you think I am??

Have you ever thought of coloring your hair? I mean, you could look at least ten years younger!

Gee, Gall, have you ever thought of penis enlargement surgery?

Well, actually, some people compliment me on my silver hair…

He rolls his eyes (!) in a you’re-gonna-believe-that? and that my wife left me? look.

Mind if I ask you a personal question because I have no social chip in my head and I’ll keep going until you shoot me?

You mean another?? I say.

How old are you?

I’m 39, or possibly just barely 45.

[Audible gasp] I hoped thought you were at least 55 and single!

I grab my right hip.

Do you think I need to go on a diet, too, and get rid of this, you fr*&%#in idiot??

I confess, face-to-face, I am a relatively sweet particularly when sober Texas girl who gets speechless at others’ less-than-polite commentary. Hence, the improv classes.

What do you do with these people when they pop up??!

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Posted in aging, health, me-me-me, questions, venting

Summer is a Battlefield

Posted on June 30, 2011 by wendy| 2 Comments

Last weekend, I dragged the Let the dog in! household to a civil war re-enactment, but since the civil war was more sad than funny I know nothing about the civil war, how’s about we talk s’more about summer with the kids out of school, ‘k??

It starts off with a gorgeous image, a vision of calm, peaceful order and an appreciation of community and the natural beauty in all life.

You imagine you’ll have lovely, relaxing chats with your friends and neighbors.

As the natives declare they’re BORED get restless, you quickly realize you have a big, white target “X” on your back.

You scramble to entertain the enemy your kids with music and fun, perhaps an outdoor concert.

But even the littlest soldiers revolt.
(with the very littlest fighters yelling, “BANG,” instead of firing an actual gun)

Before the actual altercations began, you fashioned yourself the guy with the biggest, loudest gun on the field, but, alas, you need to fix a martini a reality check.

In the end, your fate turns out more like the band.

And your living room, strewn with popsicle sticks dead bodies that no one is picking up…

If you’re lucky, some summer camp instructor angelic vision will come to pray for your soul.

What month is this? September, right? Whaaa?

Do you have war on your hands or a peace treaty?

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Posted in creativity, events, growth, outside, parenting, venting, weirdo

Summer Imagined v. Summer Real

Posted on June 24, 2011 by wendy| 7 Comments


Are you having this problem? In your head, you figured when school let out that you and your kids would do all kinds of amazing projects, day trips, maybe even camping?

Then, two days into it you realize you have serious crankiness issues.

And not just with the kids, but with yourself.

We were going to make art books. Instead, we are making ice cream runs.

We were going to go to the beach. Day 1, we got the bottom of our foot scraped by barnacles and are “never going back to the beach again!”

We were going to read, read, read. Instead, we are marathoning Phineas and Ferb.

I guess there is still too much time to correct course, but each summer I forget my margarita recipe the uphill battle from the year before. Same soldiers, different battlefield…

So, how’s your summer going? Are you doing what you intended to do?

And most importantly, do you have a good, strong cocktail recipe to share?

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, growth, kid, outside, parenting, questions, venting

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The Breastfeeding Doll: and the problem is…?

Posted on April 13, 2011 by wendy| 4 Comments

WARNING: stereotypical mom rant forthcoming!

I’m sure you’ve heard about that doll, the Breast Milk Baby, and I read a few articles on parent reactions to it.

(Hey, it’s got a pacifier! Some parents would object to that!)

I figured all the hub-bub was mostly media created on a slow news day. Real people wouldn’t object to such a basic concept, right?

But after reading a local Facebook friend’s poll that asked if his friends would buy such a doll, I guess I was wrong once again.

Stunned is how I felt reading the 40 comments about how “creepy” and “gross” that sounded, how little kids don’t “need to be exposed to such things at such a young age”, and even that it “might encourage earlier sexual behavior.”

*Blink*

Are you people for realz?! A doll that holdontoyourhat doesn’t come with a bottle and pretends to be fed from a mother?! This is outrageous??

No, I’m outraged that so many in our society wring offensiveness out of a basic, healthy, mammalian behavior.

God forbid young girls (and boys, right?!) learn at “an early age” that boobs have a purpose slightly more important than bouncing in a wet t-shirt on a beach in a reality show.

Yes, Virginia, my girls had a job and they did that job well!

We’re not all livin’ on a farm anymore, and all our pets are fixed, so just where is a kid going to stumble onto casual viewing of breastfeeding? Maybe at their house (if they’re not an only child like mine), maybe at a park, but mostly nowhere.

And is breastfeeding sexy? How will donning that toy bib and holding a plastic doll up to the flower nipple inspire hot, lascivious thoughts? (I’m talking about the intended use of a suckling doll, people; don’t go all Deliverance on me now!)

News flash: If you’re really breastfeeding a baby, then you are sleep-deprived, undernourished and overtired. Yeah, that’s hawt.

You wanna complain that dolls should not have specific functions, like walking, talking, pooping, growing hair, or breastfeeding, and that kids should to pretend that Ken has a wiener their dolls can do all those things. Fine. I hear ya. I’m all for imagining you’re on a hot beach with a sweating Paolo and margaritas wild characters and crazy story lines.

But object to this doll for these other reasons? Laughable. A disgrace to mammals everywhere.

What do you think about a breastfeeding doll? Do tell!

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Posted in brilliant ideas, education, health, parenting, questions, venting

S.A.D.? Be h.a.p.p.y.

Posted on March 13, 2011 by wendy| 3 Comments

We in the Pacific Northwest have been deluged by rain daily and I’m dying here helpmehelpme. And by “rain” I mean webbed-toe-inducing-gargantuan-puddle-creationism-no-bulb-bright-enough-black-at-noon-depressing storms.

Oh, sure, they come and go. And come back again with a vengeance and waaaaahhh-where’s-my-mommy??.

So, here’s my perfectly and desperately reactionism thought out answer to grappling with these Godforsaken, incessant tempests:

1. Go to google.com
2. Click images
3. Enter these words, in this order, “baby animals.” (I will not, repeat, not be responsible for what may turn up if you flip the order.)
4. Sip Grey Goose with twist of lemon while scrolling down.

You’ll get the likes of this:

We’re all good, now, yes?

No guarantees, but it might work for fights with spouses, filing taxes, enforcing bedtimes, cancellation of your soap opera, crash of stock market picks, running out of coffee, school field trips, flight cancellations, and shrinkage of your favorite cashmere sweater.

Yes, I feel better already. *sssslllllurp*

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, venting, weather

requesting life’s rollercoaster to be more like the It’s A Small World ride

Posted on July 12, 2010 by wendy| 6 Comments

Hey there! Did ya have a good Fourth of July?!

The 4th here was great. And I have a video of the fireworks we saw in our little Bainbridge Island harbor to prove it.

Ah, yes, it was lovely. I even ran my second 5K that morning and managed to move around afterwards to see our local parade. *insert chirping, happy birds*

Little did we know the following day we’d have this in the backyard (& for weeks to come):
bushy tailfeathers
Evil, irregular hedge growth, you ask?

Don’t I wish.

That, my friends, is what you get when your husband falls off the ladder while trimming a giant hedge. And breaks his leg. Badly.

Worse than that last time, three years ago.

And I ain’t gettin on that ladder to finish the job! I have more important things to do, like ice bag refilling, pillow fluffing, and food preparation for the hubs.

The hubs, a rugged Alaskan, calmly said immediately after while leaning on his good leg, “Um, honey? I think I just broke my leg.” In response, the kid and I did our best Keystone Cops impression, scrambling around, bumping in walls and screaming WHAAAAATTTTT??!!!!

And what a silver lining that he’d broken his other leg three years earlier because being the hoarder pack-rat that he is, the hubs still had the crutches.

Now our summer is f#^*$ up, on painkillers topsy-turvy.

To add salt to the wound, while in downtown Seattle for the hubs’ CAT scan the following day, I got this:
parking ticket

Yes, I put 2 quarters in an apparently to everyone but me broken meter and found that little gem ten minutes later.

I swear, it’s enough to turn a person to drink. Oh, wait, I already am at 8am now do.

I just have to ask–

Universe, what did we ever do to you??

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, events, health, venting

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