Just about once every year, I wish I had gone for Lasik surgery to
stop poking my eyes every day have normal eyesight again.
Today was that day.
Where the f#ck can a contact lens go when it pops out of your eyeball in the bathroom? There’s one foot of space between my eyeball/finger and the mirror, over the counter. And yet, that contact lens finds the black hole.
Imagine the power this country would have if it too could make things completely disappear in a nano second.
Seems like I should gain admittance to Magic Castle for this trick.
I looked myself over, the counters, the mirror, and only hours later from that par excellent vantage point known as the
crapper commode, I caught glimpse of that sneaky little devil, crispy and curled over for his nap, on the edge of the counter. At least four feet away from where I lost him.
Little booger, he was crunchy from being out in the air all day. I wasn’t about to try to revive him after his poorly executed escape. Be careful what you wish for, lenses of the world. Freedom may not actually taste so sweet.
If you’re a contact lens.