Category Archives: questions

what did you accidentally throw away?

Recently a friend okay, fine, it was me accidentally probably just misplaced for an indeterminate period of time threw away a government document relating to an automobile. Ahem.

So, what’s a law-abiding citizen to do? Call the governmental office? Get the low down on such situations?

As if. It’s 2011. I googled, of course. But I got distracted.

You google this phrase: “accidentally threw away.”

Guess what? People are freakin’ nuts have thrown away tons of embarrassing stuff by accident and then went online to admit it to the world.

You name it, it’s been thrown away: homework, earrings, Macbook Air computer, a mattress with $1 million dollars in it, her diaphragm sorry, dude, her birth control pills maybe it’s just not meant to be, a high school diploma, a retainer sorry, mom and dad, car registration not me, of course! okay, yes, me, grandma’s urn (well, donated anyways…), tools (not an issue here, as the Hubs never puts throws anything away, let alone his precious tools!), personal memorabilia of your spouse’s sure, that was an accident…, concert tickets, and worst of all, original artwork at a gallery (actually, it was shaped like a garbage bag, so whatdya gonna do?).

No wonder our landfills are land fulls!

Come on, your turn. Confess. No one is looking really, that’s true, not counting my mom, what did you accidentally throw away?

The Breastfeeding Doll: and the problem is…?

WARNING: stereotypical mom rant forthcoming!

I’m sure you’ve heard about that doll, the Breast Milk Baby, and I read a few articles on parent reactions to it.

(Hey, it’s got a pacifier! Some parents would object to that!)

I figured all the hub-bub was mostly media created on a slow news day. Real people wouldn’t object to such a basic concept, right?

But after reading a local Facebook friend’s poll that asked if his friends would buy such a doll, I guess I was wrong once again.

Stunned is how I felt reading the 40 comments about how “creepy” and “gross” that sounded, how little kids don’t “need to be exposed to such things at such a young age”, and even that it “might encourage earlier sexual behavior.”

*Blink*

Are you people for realz?! A doll that holdontoyourhat doesn’t come with a bottle and pretends to be fed from a mother?! This is outrageous??

No, I’m outraged that so many in our society wring offensiveness out of a basic, healthy, mammalian behavior.

God forbid young girls (and boys, right?!) learn at “an early age” that boobs have a purpose slightly more important than bouncing in a wet t-shirt on a beach in a reality show.

Yes, Virginia, my girls had a job and they did that job well!

We’re not all livin’ on a farm anymore, and all our pets are fixed, so just where is a kid going to stumble onto casual viewing of breastfeeding? Maybe at their house (if they’re not an only child like mine), maybe at a park, but mostly nowhere.

And is breastfeeding sexy? How will donning that toy bib and holding a plastic doll up to the flower nipple inspire hot, lascivious thoughts? (I’m talking about the intended use of a suckling doll, people; don’t go all Deliverance on me now!)

News flash: If you’re really breastfeeding a baby, then you are sleep-deprived, undernourished and overtired. Yeah, that’s hawt.

You wanna complain that dolls should not have specific functions, like walking, talking, pooping, growing hair, or breastfeeding, and that kids should to pretend that Ken has a wiener their dolls can do all those things. Fine. I hear ya. I’m all for imagining you’re on a hot beach with a sweating Paolo and margaritas wild characters and crazy story lines.

But object to this doll for these other reasons? Laughable. A disgrace to mammals everywhere.

What do you think about a breastfeeding doll? Do tell!

Oh, it’s great. Really.

A couple pulled over today in front of me while I and the pooch were out running. Naturally, my first reaction was to get annoyed.

Who the hell pulls over right in front of a runner and dog? Now I’m gonna have to run even more in the road to go around you people…

Aren’t I special? Not sure why I don’t have more friends…

Turns out, they wanted to ask about my dog, yes, the one that ruins sex lives and lets herself out when impatient.

Why is it, people, when asked about our pets, we LIE?

Oh, wirehaired pointing griffons are fabulous if you like bed hogs! stupendous if you didn’t want those blueberry muffins you left to cool on the counter! and love people but will kill small animals given the chance!

And you do the same with kids, don’t you? Admit it.

It’s great to be a parent if you don’t need any time to yourself! Kids say such brilliant things like telling their teachers your true age and weight! And they are so creative in how they use food coloring like fingerpaints on kitchen counters and torture your dog so they get growled at the rest of their life!

Yes, ask me anytime and I will tell you it is awesome having a wirehaired pointing griffon. And a beautiful 7 year-old girl.


Sometimes, for all the hassles, you do get a good shot out of it, though…

Twins separated at birth

Did you read this story about the twins born by c-section at midnight of New Year’s Eve in Illinois?

Doctors pulled out the girl in 2010 and then the boy in 2011. All planned out.

What are people thinking? Or maybe, what are the doctors thinking? Get your patient’s kid in as Baby 1? Or is this what they do for grins these days given the increasing numbers of monotonous c-sections?

Whatever. Smirk, Doc, if you want. The parents totally missed having a tax deduction in 2010 on that boy.

Then, I had to go read the article’s comments. It’s become a train wreck thing for me now, reading news stories’ comments. I don’t want to, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

Like a calorie-free 1 lb. bag of peanut M&Ms.

Including the feeling sick afterwards.

Don’t page down, don’t click to read comments, don’t you do it, Wendy, nooooooooo.

ARGH! I did it.

Know what they riffed off on in comments? You’d never guess.

rowdy (ID name) picked up on the fact that the parents had different last names and wrote that it was sad another unmarried couple is on the front page for New Year’s.

And then it went from there.

Judge, judge, judge-y, judge their worthless judge-y self.

Even a staff member chimed in that you kids should play nice or go home (more or less).

Why do I do it? Why keep reading those things? Should news stories allow comments? Do you read those things?

Or gasp are you commenting in them?

stealing art

Okay, I didn’t really steal any art. I’m not starting a Thomas Crowne affair, or even snatching 100’s of bird skins like that 22-year-old US student did in England (how do you smuggle 300 birds without a trail of feathers?).

No, I just took a few snaps at our own Seattle Art Museum. I mean, it was for educational purposes this time.

It all started when I volunteered to be fed to the lions my daughter’s 2nd grade class art docent. Which means I come every now and then to lead an art discussion and freeforall, chaotic mess project with them. Sort of an unpaid art instructor (yay, another unpaid job!).

And lo and behold, here comes Pablo Picasso in a special exhibit to SAM while the Musee Picasso in Paris is renovated.

So, I saw my opportunity and I grabbed it!
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They had a great variety from Picasso’s long life of creations.
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After gathering a few snappies, I went back to school and had the kids draw their own self-portraits in a Picasso style (which I have not stolen pictures of yet…hm, too easy, I guess).
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You’d think I’d take better shots by now since I had a little practice at the Calder exhibit…shhhhh.
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You have to wonder why, over thousands of years, people have felt the urge to create art. Is it an innate factor? Is there an art gene? Is it some calming or comforting feeling we get? Is it an escape? Or is it a charge forward into our true selves?

Also, we could ask the same of a person compelled to take illegal pictures of art….

I don’t have an answer. Do you?

The Picasso exhibit continues in Seattle until mid-January, 2011. Check it out.