But no! New York is trying to keep the noise level down now by reminding its cab drivers that their horns or “claxon” (really, cab drivers barely speak English and we’re using that term??) should only be used in cases of “imminent danger” or be slapped with a $350 fine.

“Imminent danger”?? That’s supposed to cut the honking? Seems like in New York City, imminent danger in relation to taxis would cover pretty much all the time.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not in favor of honking. Not that long ago I spent a sleepless night in downtown Victoria, B.C. (population what? 412?) in a building, with windows permanently sealed closed, on the 4th floor, and still the street noise drove me nuts.

Yes, I am that princess.

Meanwhile, NYC is working with Nissan to come up with a “less offensive” horn for cabs.

What would that be? They don’t actually know. What would get your attention but in a sweet, friendly way? Maybe a British voice, like the British GPS lady, with speakers outside on the car. Lovie, could you scoot your bottom out of the way, please?

But because it’s all about me, can that technology be applied to make a dog’s bark less offensive? Or maybe a kid’s whine? That’s where the money is, Nissan.

Got any less offensive honk sound suggestions?

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Just a regular, old slice of Norman Rockwell.

But this year, turns out some dumb weirdo was taking a thousand photos of females, aged 11-40, at the fair and this time actually got caught.

Police charged him with voyeurism.

Yuck, right?! I know! That’s plain sick! I’m outraged!

Innnnterestiiiingly, however, we were there that morning for our annual excursion…and while I am so completely grossed out, of course, and we want that guy prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (can you get convicted on voyuerism at a public place?), what I really want to know is….

Am I In That Camera??

I’ve been racking my brain…what was I wearing that day? How did I look? Was my hair washed? Did I make the cut??

Okay, sure I’m never telling you 39 still, a wife and a mother, but come on! I workout, I run, I O.D. on obscure vitamins and voodoo supplements, I try to take care of myself unlike when I was younger…than 39.

I’m probably not getting hired as a Project Runway model anytime soon, but still. I did recently get carded at the grocery store I go to every forty minutes week (and later, a clerk told me the age is 31 or under for carding nowadays. 31! That was… still not telling you 8 years ago!

Shouldn’t all that at least get me into a Kitsap County sicko’s camera roll?

A girl’s got her pride, doesn’t she? We women want to know we still got it or something resembling it…or something close enough that a weirdo would snap a shot of our tired boobs…don’t we?

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What are people thinking? Or maybe, what are the doctors thinking? Get your patient’s kid in as Baby 1? Or is this what they do for grins these days given the increasing numbers of monotonous c-sections?

Whatever. Smirk, Doc, if you want. The parents totally missed having a tax deduction in 2010 on that boy.

Then, I had to go read the article’s comments. It’s become a train wreck thing for me now, reading news stories’ comments. I don’t want to, but I can’t seem to stop myself.

Like a calorie-free 1 lb. bag of peanut M&Ms.

Including the feeling sick afterwards.

Don’t page down, don’t click to read comments, don’t you do it, Wendy, nooooooooo.

ARGH! I did it.

Know what they riffed off on in comments? You’d never guess.

rowdy (ID name) picked up on the fact that the parents had different last names and wrote that it was sad another unmarried couple is on the front page for New Year’s.

And then it went from there.

Judge, judge, judge-y, judge their worthless judge-y self.

Even a staff member chimed in that you kids should play nice or go home (more or less).

Why do I do it? Why keep reading those things? Should news stories allow comments? Do you read those things?

Or gasp are you commenting in them?

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(Except for maybe that aberrant rabbit in the Monty Python movie, The Holy Grail. Remember that Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog?)

(Do you love me for this picture? Don’t you love it? Thank you, Wiki!)

But apparently, these days the rabbits are litigious. Did you know that Miffy sued Hello Kitty’s friend Cathy? (Did you even know that Hello Kitty had a friend named Cathy? Or maybe now it should be called Copycat Cathy.)

Yes, it’s true. Even the Wall Street Journal discussed it.

Why would two seemingly sweet bunnies go at it? Dollars Euros Copyright infringement, of course!

Miffy thought that Cathy looked too much like her. And Miffy was born first, like twenty years earlier, so there. What do you think?

Hmmmmmm. I can see why Miffy was miffed. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

I must say that I know Miffy. And all her colorful children’s board books by Dick Bruna. To the zoo, to school, to grandma’s, Miffy gets around. Miffy even has a Wiki page. Does Cathy? Nooooooo.

But let’s face it, Cathy’s been ridin’ the coattails of a certain cat, so she probably doesn’t care about any of that stuff. She’s probably just chillin’, nibblin’ on catnip, and saying “yes, ma’am” to HK.

Meanwhile, Miffy, the financial underdogbunny proved her case and won. Cathy is not allowed to sell her wares in the Netherlands. That oughta make no dent in the feline empire teach that kitten a lesson. Yay, Miffy!!

Yes, Hello Kitty’s lawyers may have lost the legal battle, but they won the marketing war. Hello Kitty can go cry all the way to her friend’s place, Neiman Marcus. Ca-ching!

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Trapped, cornered, alone, he looked like this:

Now, look at this guy:

Notice any similarity?

This is Conrad Murray, Michael Jackson’s personal physician, who sent a letter to his patients a few weeks ago that he would no longer be their physician because he had “a chance of a lifetime” he would pursue.

Turns out, he’s probably the last person to see Michael Jackson alive and he’s the person who unsuccessfully administered CPR on a worldwide icon.

Awkward.

Well, if he wanted fame, he made the right choice. Except that now he has his own lawyer (probably a criminal one, I’m guessing) and the headlines say things like:
Lawyer Denies Doc Drugged Jackson With Demerol
and
Lawyer: Doctor Found Jackson with Pulse
and
Jackson Family Doesn’t Trust Michael’s Doctor
and
The Terrible Plight of Dr. Conrad Murray

Boy, doncha just kick yourself all day after you pick the wrong line at the grocery store?

Maybe the doc needs a smidge of Demerol right about now….

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I just had a thought. What if all us former and current P-I bloggers pooled all the money we made blogging for them to buy the newspaper ourselves?? Wouldn’t that be cool??

Oh, yeah. They didn’t pay us anything.

Blogger: -noun, 1. a person who keeps a web log or online personal diary, enduring endless rants by trolls and snarkiness by fellow bloggers, in exchange for no monetary reward; 2. a glutton for punishment.

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Which sounds about right to me.

Wal-Mart worker dies after shoppers knock him down

By COLLEEN LONG – 1 hour ago

NEW YORK (AP) — A worker died after being trampled by a throng of unruly shoppers when a suburban Wal-Mart opened for the holiday sales rush Friday, authorities said.

At least three other people were injured.

Wal-Mart Stores Inc., in Bentonville, Ark., would not confirm the reports of a stampede but said a “medical emergency” had caused the company to close the store, which is in Valley Stream on Long Island.

Nassau County police said the 34-year-old worker was taken to a hospital where he was pronounced dead at about 6 a.m., an hour after the store opened. The cause of death was not immediately known.

A police statement said shortly after 5 a.m., a throng of shoppers “physically broke down the doors, knocking (the worker) to the ground.” Police also said a 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital for observation and three other shoppers suffered minor injuries and were also taken to hospitals. . . . Shoppers around the country lined up early outside stores in the annual bargain hunting ritual known as Black Friday. Many stores open early and stay open late. The Valley Stream Wal-Mart usually opens at 9 a.m.

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