Category Archives: kid

A Motherly Confession

Posted on August 17, 2011 | 2 Comments

It’s time I confessed. See, there is something I’m ashamed to admit.

I don’t know why. I mean, others have probably gone through the exact same thing. Why should I want to hide it?

I’m talking about my case of PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and absolutely nothing else.

What event occurred to cause these symptoms (according to the Mayo Clinic definition)?
PTSD:
Feeling emotionally numb
Avoiding activities you once enjoyed
Hopelessness about the future
Trouble concentrating
Difficulty maintaining close relationships
Irritability or anger
Overwhelming guilt or shame
Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
Being easily startled or frightened
Hearing or seeing things that aren’t there

What happened is that since she lost gave up her last sippy cup, the Kid knocks over her drink every freakin’ time. On me. Everywhere, our house, Disneyland, restaurants, airports, our house, the ferry, someone else’s house, our house. Every. Where.

I’ve got the nervous twitch to prove it. Just bring us our beverages make mine a double, and I’ll show you.

And I have those symptoms. I avoid giving her drinks unless she’s choking; I swear I hear the dumping sound of a full cup of milk when there is no cup; and I jump and gasp like a freakin’ kangaroo (yes, they gasp, pretty sure) if the Kid’s hand goes anywhere near anyone’s glass at any time in any place.

I am drinking too much ok, possibly not related; I don’t want to be anywhere close to her; I feel terrified of tall, skinny glasses (oh, SO tippable); and I feel hopeless about the fact that she will never ever stop doing this.

It has made me irritable screw you, that’s why, I tell you!, and I have trouble concentrating which is wholly unrelated to Twitter or Facebook usage.

The first step is awareness, right? So, there we go. Hello, PTSD!

Now, I’d like a sippy cup of Grey Goose, please, while I go online to order more quick-dry pants.

Are you suffering any known diseases? Don’t be ashamed! Confess!

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Posted in food, kid, me-me-me, parenting, weirdo

Pickup Sticks

Posted on August 9, 2011 | 5 Comments

He may have his own 18th century view of parenting, but I gotta hand it to the Hubs. He has figured things out with the Kid.

We all know he’s a total Alaskan gearhead (and I have the blog posts to prove it…), so natch, he’s got a cross- oops, I’ve been corrected compound bow. And plenty of raccoons roaming around a target in our yard for practice so I recommend you call first.

Yes, this was taken in our yard.

But, guess what? As of this summer, he not only has a bow, he’s got a personal arrow retriever, namely, the Kid.

And the beauty of it? She wants to do it. She charges out of the house if he starts a-flingin’.

Whaaaaa?

Just how did he accomplish this great feat? I have no idea.

I’m wondering if he can start flinging her dirty socks across the living room.

Now, that would be helpful. Pick up those, Kid.

Of course, she is her mother’s daughter, so throughout practice he does have to endure a certain level of, shall we say, critiquing?

Dad, you missed! Dad, oh my God, that was SO FAR from the middle! AHAHAHAHAHA! Dad, I farted!

It’s hard to find good help these days.

Have you ever trained your kid to love some chore? Please share!! Maybe I can learn something!!

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, brilliant ideas, education, kid, outside, parenting

Ah-choo! a fuzzy version

Posted on July 28, 2011 | 2 Comments

Sure, by now you’ve seen the tiny, sneezing baby panda, but have you seen a black and white fuzzy version of my allergy attack of an adult panda sneezing fit?

I confess my 7 going on 27 year old told me about it. The police grandparents will be glad to know her online video searching skills have greatly improved this summer and she now knows the words to Last Friday Night by Katy Perry.

Should people really be laughing? Poor panda. Maybe someone should get him a Zyrtac?

Oh, go ahead. We’re laughing with him…right?

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Posted in animals, health, kid, weirdo

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Summer Imagined v. Summer Real

Posted on June 24, 2011 | 7 Comments


Are you having this problem? In your head, you figured when school let out that you and your kids would do all kinds of amazing projects, day trips, maybe even camping?

Then, two days into it you realize you have serious crankiness issues.

And not just with the kids, but with yourself.

We were going to make art books. Instead, we are making ice cream runs.

We were going to go to the beach. Day 1, we got the bottom of our foot scraped by barnacles and are “never going back to the beach again!”

We were going to read, read, read. Instead, we are marathoning Phineas and Ferb.

I guess there is still too much time to correct course, but each summer I forget my margarita recipe the uphill battle from the year before. Same soldiers, different battlefield…

So, how’s your summer going? Are you doing what you intended to do?

And most importantly, do you have a good, strong cocktail recipe to share?

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, growth, kid, outside, parenting, questions, venting

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Down with the Fishes: the Seattle Aquarium

Posted on June 9, 2011 | 7 Comments

This week I in a fit of delusion volunteered to chaperone the asylum lunatics second graders of my daughter’s school on their field trip to the Seattle Aquarium.

I thought it’d be fun. I love marine mammals. I once tended to injured and abandoned marine mammals here.

What I forgot about is all the other mammals that would be on the trip.

The 7 and 8 year-old ones.

The ones who argue about what exhibit to see next, how long to stay at the current one, who is really their friend, and where they can slink off into the sea of child molesters without me seeing them.
Sure, they look all calm and behaved here.

The day started with the announcement and my first clue I should invest in a nice flask in the shape of a Starbucks cup by the teacher of a “glitch” of how we were down to one bus, rather than two.

This led to a packed-to-the-brim bus ride into hell through island morning school traffic and road construction. Yes, that day, we had traffic.

After corralling them into the ferry and then keeping them all together through the streets of enticing garbage, kickable newspaper stands, and fascinating homeless people downtown Seattle, we arrived at the lovely Seattle Aquarium before they officially opened.

Which would have been super-duper cool, if they had let us in.

Instead, I had my charges playing Simon Says for fifteen minutes on the dock out front. Simon Says “JUMP!”

Actually, Simon did say “Hug me and say YOU’RE THE GREATEST EVER!” Which they did. Cuz Simon Said.

We eventually got into the aquarium where much arguing, hiding and yelling ensued.
They were less interested in this fur seal and more interested in the photo of the fur seal located on the touch screens they could manipulate, the little bozos techno natives.

Ignoring all the live wildlife around them, dress up time in scuba clothing was also popular.
Also, known as time-killer.

Finally, we wrapped up our time with what every aquarium visit needs when it’s at least an hour too long: a rousing game of tag in the front lobby.

However, I’m glad to report that no marine mammal was injured in the making of this post, and as far as I know but I’m not listening la-la-la, all our mammals returned to their respective homes at the end of the day.

Home, where I holed in my room boozing it up to recover and remind myself to never again bring to the Seattle Aquarium more than 2 young, two-legged mammals.

What field trips from hell have you endured?

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Posted in animals, events, kid, life is good, regional

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