Category Archives: kid

Han or Luke? Pick a Stars Wars Man.

star warsI watched the original Star Wars movie this weekend with the Kid, who had forgotten she’d seen a special showing of it at the theater (so, is this how it is? are kids just going to continually forget all the cool things their parents do for them??).

I personally saw it 3 times when it first came out and I cut in a super long line like a total tweener weasel, too, and probably half a dozen times since then.

[I know, there are guys folks who've seen it 1000s of times and know the backstory of every stormtrooper killed and live alone over someone's garage. They can go write their own geeky analysis and have.]

Just like rereading a favorite book, when you revisit a movie after a few decades years you can be embarrassed learn about yourself.

The best example of this is which Stars Wars man do I prefer – the streetwise, rugged pilot Han Solo or the younger, naive farmer Luke Skywalker?
luke skywalker
When I saw these movies as a kid, it was Luke all the way. He was sweet and had that sort of Shaun Cassidy thing going on while Han was mysterious but possibly dangerous.

Then a few years later, Luke seemed ridiculously innocent, and it was the slick and cool Han, baby. He was dangerous (yay, bad boys!) and surprised them all by having a heart and swooping in for the big finish. Duh, no brainer.
han solo
And now?

I’d say Han would win for a fun roll in the hay, but as I write that, I’m not 100% sure on that one. He may not be the most *ahem* selfless… Plus, I doubt he’d be open to any heartfelt conversation about his feelings, assuming he knew them in the first place.

So, it must be Luke, right? Well, actually, he still has a very Gomer Pyle Goll-leeeeeee thing going on that he loses points on. Would you want a relationship with someone constantly whining Hey, but that’s not fair!

Where does this leave us? Well, I must be getting ancient older because the more intriguing man in Star Wars for me now is…..
obi wan
Obi Wan

No, I don’t have a grandpa thing. Maybe it’s his intuitive powers, his understanding of others, his knowing of himself and the Universe, his calm (or maybe we can jump ahead to the prequels and this really means Ewan McGregor who I’ve had a crush on since I watched his motorcyling around the world doc’s…).

Okay, maybe it’s just his accent. I’m a sucker for an accent.

Who would you take home?

What’s in that bottle exactly?

Sure, it’s easy enough to rant about products and advertising. If you want to really laugh, read this Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma catalog. Go ahead, I’ll wait here…

*whistling*

Where was I? Oh, yes, ranting. “Ranting” is such an ugly word. I’d like to think of it more as curiosity (my new favorite approach to anything triggering my annoyance button and goes something like this: hmmmm, isn’t that interesting…?).

Let’s get curious, shall we? Take a gander here:

First off, it cracks me up that marketers have assumed that women will be drawn to hair products called “Long Term Relationship.”

Are we that pathetic obvious?

Oh, maybe that guy you saw as The Answer didn’t pan out and you’re heartbroken, but for only $4.99 you can have a nice, clean head of hair Long Term Relationship! You want it, you know you do.

Is it fair they exploit our hearts’ desires of deep and lasting connection with another human being in a personal care product? At least Disney spends millions on animation and story and special effects when they do this.

What’s next? Tight Ass toothpaste?

And where’s the male equivalent, “One Night Stand, No Strings” hair gel product?

Yes, it’s somewhat punny, Madison Avenue. Long hair, long term, yeah, gotcha.

Or maybe, now that I have long hair – until I get it cut like Jack Frost in Rise of the Guardians -
(Photo from tumblr.com)
I could see it as an acknowledgment of the huge commitment of having long hair, the brushing, the conditioning, the having to do something with it.

Ask any parent of a young daughter with long hair about the hassle factor unless she’s like my girl who seems to love gazing like Narcissus at her reflection as she slowly and lovingly brushes her hair.

And what is on the ingredient list of Long Term Relationship?

The cynical view: lowered expectations, boredom, dream sacrifice, dusty sex toys, lying, cheating, struggle, resignation, alcoholism, unmet needs, and a dash of the silent treatment.

The optimistic view: teamwork, communication, self-awareness, acceptance, listening, bravery, family, growth, respect and a dash of surprise.

Either way, you’re not getting it for a mere $5 bucks.

[Disclosure: my 9-year-old grabbed this off the grocery store shelf and I, not paying attention per usual, bought it. Did she read the label or was she merely drawn to the bright red color? Or was her subconscious drawn to it.....? Let's go with oh, red, shiny, pretty so I can sleep at night.]