Category Archives: food

Girly Cupcakes

Just so you know, the Hubs said I shouldn’t blog about this, so Hello! You’d think he’d have learned by now….

This post is brought to you by Facebook and its new anti-privacy rules, because it was a friend of a friend who I have never heard of who posted this photo and my friend, a guy I actually do know, “liked” it.

Which apparently means the whole world gets to see it now, in case you just got out of that coma don’t know Facebook is raping you daily, right now.

Hold onto your britches. Take a gander at the girly cupcakes:
Puts new meaning in the term variety pack, eh?

Okay, focus, readers. Are ya with me? I posted this because I want to ask if you think it was would be outrageoushorrendousdisgusting of me to show this photo to my eight-year-old daughter?

Purely, a hypothetical question, Mrs. Child Protective Services, for the purposes of discussion.

I mean, if I did, I wonder if my child would guess right away what she was looking at or needed a hint from me.

I wonder if she’d then drop her jaw first, and then with a twinkle in her eye, her own drawers to show me hers as comparison to the frosted ones.

I also wonder if young girls should possess a relaxed, secure knowledge of their amazing, delicious cupcakes body.

Purely hypothetical, ya’ll. Don’t go get your panties in a–oh, never mind.

What do you think? Would you show a daughter and not a son? Is age a factor?

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Anti-Gravity Movie Popcorn

[Warning: she's getting her bitch on]

I took the Kid to see Hugo in 3D after ripping into our lottery winnings in our mattress. The movie was great in a very dontwealllovethemovies kinda way. If you go, be on time or you’ll never have me as your movie date because the opening shot in 3D is the highlight of the film, imo.

But this post is not about the movie. It’s about the concession stand. What they think we are not seeing them do there.

First off, I am a popcorn fiend. I admit it. I am powerless to it. So, I usually always get some at the movies, however nasty it may be. I said I’m powerless, you judgey judgers! Plus, concessions is where the exhibitors make their money, and haven’t you heard, the movie business is in trouble, so I’m doing my part.

But what amazes me is how they serve up those golden morsels nowadays. They lift the scoop of popcorn highohsohigh above the bucket and let those popped fluffballs of joy float, single file, down, down, down. Leaving as much air in the bucket as possible while still remaining on Planet Earth.

Now, if you’re 15, this is The Way It’s Always Been. But if you’re 29, like me, you have not forgotten the days when they were not so lovingly tender with the corn.

They roughly scooped, slapped it down in the bucket, and scooped some more. And then, they’d pound the bucket on the counter several times like they’re about to make a free throw shot with 1 second to go to settle the corn and make room for yet another incoming scoop of popcorn.

I am not shitting you. That is how it was done. It was a beautiful thing. Ask your dad.

Now that I’ve written this, honestly, I’m lost in my movie concession stand reverie, so talk amongst yourselves. *sigh*

Do you have any great memories of going to the movies?

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The Shiny Coat Series: Food in Your Dish

A new year, a new beginning, and lots of folks are getting on that terrible invention, the bathroom scale. I feel your pain. I am one of those people who has had the same 20 pounds come and go. And come and go. For thirty years.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against starting a new eating plan with the new year. Really, who starts anything on a Saturday except a hangover? No one. We humans need some external event to shake us up and drive us towards a healthier existence for pretty much everything, like New Year’s, or your high school reunion, or becoming pregnant, or getting kicked out of your house, or a Monday. Just something.

And I know this issue is loaded and complicated and emotional for those of us who ride the rollercoaster, so these ideas are just one item to put in your basket as you sort through the marketplace of food and its relationship to your body and your self. No one has The Magical Answer for you although I’m told France has a pill….

But I’m here on the other side, the stabilized side, to give you three food tips if you feel you must “be good” and do the D word. They will support you, help with cravings and fill you full of vitamins, protein and fiber.

1. Beans. I know, the musical fruit. But ease into it, a little each day, and your body will adjust, I promise. Plus, they’re packed with fiber and protein and other good stuff. And for those of you (like me) who need variety in life, there’s lentils, garbanzos, pintos, navy, black, and on and on. Experiment with hot or cold options, plain or tossed in soups or salads. I’m told they help to even out your blood sugar level which will help with those evil cravings.

2. Fat. I know you’re running from this and it seems counter-intuitive, but eat fat. Every day. I’m not talking sit down with a tub o’ lard hey, who’re you calling a tub o’ lard?. I’m talking raw (or roasted at home) nuts, seeds, avocados, and oils (yes, some oils are better than others, but that’s a whole other blog post…). Do not be afraid of good food like I was! I think it was Cynthia at Cookus Interruptus (a fun site with cooking videos and comedy) who said if you eat foods that have had the fat removed, your body will still be looking for that fat and not feel satisfied. I am all for satisfaction, so stay away from anything that says “fat-free.”

3. Veggies. I’m telling ya right now if you are dieting and only eating lettuce or broccoli, I was not you will not be able to maintain when you’ve reached your goal have you seen my new yo-yo?? *ahem*. Expand your vegetable horizon. Experiment with types of veggies and methods of cooking them. I swear, I’m beginning to think if I toss a dog turd in olive oil, sprinkle with sea salt and roast it in the oven, I’ll love it. Gross, yes unless you ask my dog. But the point is that those veggies you grew up thinking were gross may not be so gross after all. So be a man and try some! Frankly, I believe increasing your vegetable consumption is the key to the kingdom along with an icy shot of Citron Grey Goose as needed….

Before you know it, you’ve broadened your menu horizon, you’re eating tons of good stuff every day, you’re not feeling deprived, and guess what? Your body is adjusting (and hopefully you’re moving it around several times a week in some way that you like).

And then when you reach your goal, you won’t abandon yourself because this time along the journey you realized what truly feeling good feels like, with more energy, strength and focus, and you won’t be able to ignore it those times you and I revert back and start feeling crappy. You’ll want to have healthier and more varied eating, not because it’s weigh-in time, but because you know you’ll feel better that way.

Then you’ll be on the other side, the stabilized side. Where you can relax and love food again.

Are you eating any new, healthier foods this year?

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving

from our furry paws to yours!

[Note: This is not my dog. She would never allow such ridiculousness.]

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As the Pumpkin Turns, Ep. 2

I know. It’s been hard to sleep, hasn’t it?

What with all the pumpkin decomposing going on.

When we last joined our garbage on the porch story, Vampire Kitty was looking a bit saggy, a bit un-Botoxed British actress-y. And Dog Pumpkin had its dark side growing from within.

Let’s see how they’re doing…

DAY SEVEN
What a difference a day makes, eh? Poor Vampire Kitty, she seems so deflated.
DAY EIGHT
I did not see that coming! Bat lost a wing! Although, in bat hindsight, totally predictable since he was sitting by the front door a metropolitan runway with his wings all vulnerable, hanging out there.

Meanwhile, Vampire Kitty has some nasty stuff happening internally. It almost looks like my shower drain hair growing in there. Zombie pumpkin hair?
DAY NINE
There’s really no magic serum to save Vampire Kitty in this story. (As an aside, those smiling pumpkins seem to be holding up. Perhaps it is all attitude? Or that they were carved most recently…)
DAY TEN
Bat got a little triage, see? But Vampire Kitty is turning rapidly into Pancake Kitty. And she’s leaky.
DAY ELEVEN
Okay, this is just plain gross.

Which is what the Hubs finally said.

Leaving us with this:
Aw. I miss their slimy, leaky, stinky pulpiness.

(Which is also what I said about the cancellation of As the World Turns.)

Well, you laughed, you cried you were grateful not to live with me or have to come over this past week.

Thus concludes our little gourdy drama…

Pumpkin bread, anyone?

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As the Pumpkin Turns, Episode 1

Here at Chez Let the Dog in! we have certain lazy people issues. Particularly around throwing things away. You may recall a certain pot on the deck that sat and sat and eventually got a shiny, new girlfriend in the spring!

Well, it’s November 5th, and guess what?! We have some gourd-ous decomposing activity happening on our front porch.

Hi, neighbors and hot UPS guy!

So, the pumpkin goo writing is on the wall. It’s time for an experiment, doncha think?

If I avert my eyes, how long do you think these puppies will remain melting on our porch?

I’ve already taken a few days’ worth of snaps. Here’s where we are:

DAY ONE — HALLOWEEN
Everyone looking pretty fresh.

DAY TWO FIVE
(Yes, I skipped a few days; once in a blue moon ocassionally I do have a life!)
What’s that? We have some action, people! Notice the black mold happening in the dog pumpkin. Mmmmmm.

DAY SIX
Uh-oh! Vampire Kitty’s looking a slumpy, isn’t she? So deflated and sad….

Who’s gonna come out looking good? Will Vampire Kitty flatten before Dog Pumpkin bites it? Betcha can’t wait to see! My money’s on the bat. What do you think? Also, what day will the Hubs finally notice and say GROSS!?!

Isn’t science fun, kids?!

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A Motherly Confession

It’s time I confessed. See, there is something I’m ashamed to admit.

I don’t know why. I mean, others have probably gone through the exact same thing. Why should I want to hide it?

I’m talking about my case of PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and absolutely nothing else.

What event occurred to cause these symptoms (according to the Mayo Clinic definition)?
PTSD:
Feeling emotionally numb
Avoiding activities you once enjoyed
Hopelessness about the future
Trouble concentrating
Difficulty maintaining close relationships
Irritability or anger
Overwhelming guilt or shame
Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much
Being easily startled or frightened
Hearing or seeing things that aren’t there

What happened is that since she lost gave up her last sippy cup, the Kid knocks over her drink every freakin’ time. On me. Everywhere, our house, Disneyland, restaurants, airports, our house, the ferry, someone else’s house, our house. Every. Where.

I’ve got the nervous twitch to prove it. Just bring us our beverages make mine a double, and I’ll show you.

And I have those symptoms. I avoid giving her drinks unless she’s choking; I swear I hear the dumping sound of a full cup of milk when there is no cup; and I jump and gasp like a freakin’ kangaroo (yes, they gasp, pretty sure) if the Kid’s hand goes anywhere near anyone’s glass at any time in any place.

I am drinking too much ok, possibly not related; I don’t want to be anywhere close to her; I feel terrified of tall, skinny glasses (oh, SO tippable); and I feel hopeless about the fact that she will never ever stop doing this.

It has made me irritable screw you, that’s why, I tell you!, and I have trouble concentrating which is wholly unrelated to Twitter or Facebook usage.

The first step is awareness, right? So, there we go. Hello, PTSD!

Now, I’d like a sippy cup of Grey Goose, please, while I go online to order more quick-dry pants.

Are you suffering any known diseases? Don’t be ashamed! Confess!

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