Category Archives: events

voyeur, voy-me?

Posted on September 11, 2011 by wendy| 4 Comments

Kitsap County, the county where we live, has a fun little junk food court fair. Not as big as my native Texas State Fair, but I take the Kid every year so I can eat freshly dipped corn dogs as big as my head to see the animals and ride the rides.

Just a regular, old slice of Norman Rockwell.

But this year, turns out some dumb weirdo was taking a thousand photos of females, aged 11-40, at the fair and this time actually got caught.

Police charged him with voyeurism.

Yuck, right?! I know! That’s plain sick! I’m outraged!

Innnnterestiiiingly, however, we were there that morning for our annual excursion…and while I am so completely grossed out, of course, and we want that guy prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law (can you get convicted on voyuerism at a public place?), what I really want to know is….

Am I In That Camera??

I’ve been racking my brain…what was I wearing that day? How did I look? Was my hair washed? Did I make the cut??

Okay, sure I’m never telling you 39 still, a wife and a mother, but come on! I workout, I run, I O.D. on obscure vitamins and voodoo supplements, I try to take care of myself unlike when I was younger…than 39.

I’m probably not getting hired as a Project Runway model anytime soon, but still. I did recently get carded at the grocery store I go to every forty minutes week (and later, a clerk told me the age is 31 or under for carding nowadays. 31! That was… still not telling you 8 years ago!

Shouldn’t all that at least get me into a Kitsap County sicko’s camera roll?

A girl’s got her pride, doesn’t she? We women want to know we still got it or something resembling it…or something close enough that a weirdo would snap a shot of our tired boobs…don’t we?

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Posted in events, news, outside, weirdo

Summer is a Battlefield

Posted on June 30, 2011 by wendy| 2 Comments

Last weekend, I dragged the Let the dog in! household to a civil war re-enactment, but since the civil war was more sad than funny I know nothing about the civil war, how’s about we talk s’more about summer with the kids out of school, ‘k??

It starts off with a gorgeous image, a vision of calm, peaceful order and an appreciation of community and the natural beauty in all life.

You imagine you’ll have lovely, relaxing chats with your friends and neighbors.

As the natives declare they’re BORED get restless, you quickly realize you have a big, white target “X” on your back.

You scramble to entertain the enemy your kids with music and fun, perhaps an outdoor concert.

But even the littlest soldiers revolt.
(with the very littlest fighters yelling, “BANG,” instead of firing an actual gun)

Before the actual altercations began, you fashioned yourself the guy with the biggest, loudest gun on the field, but, alas, you need to fix a martini a reality check.

In the end, your fate turns out more like the band.

And your living room, strewn with popsicle sticks dead bodies that no one is picking up…

If you’re lucky, some summer camp instructor angelic vision will come to pray for your soul.

What month is this? September, right? Whaaa?

Do you have war on your hands or a peace treaty?

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Posted in creativity, events, growth, outside, parenting, venting, weirdo

Down with the Fishes: the Seattle Aquarium

Posted on June 9, 2011 by wendy| 7 Comments

This week I in a fit of delusion volunteered to chaperone the asylum lunatics second graders of my daughter’s school on their field trip to the Seattle Aquarium.

I thought it’d be fun. I love marine mammals. I once tended to injured and abandoned marine mammals here.

What I forgot about is all the other mammals that would be on the trip.

The 7 and 8 year-old ones.

The ones who argue about what exhibit to see next, how long to stay at the current one, who is really their friend, and where they can slink off into the sea of child molesters without me seeing them.
Sure, they look all calm and behaved here.

The day started with the announcement and my first clue I should invest in a nice flask in the shape of a Starbucks cup by the teacher of a “glitch” of how we were down to one bus, rather than two.

This led to a packed-to-the-brim bus ride into hell through island morning school traffic and road construction. Yes, that day, we had traffic.

After corralling them into the ferry and then keeping them all together through the streets of enticing garbage, kickable newspaper stands, and fascinating homeless people downtown Seattle, we arrived at the lovely Seattle Aquarium before they officially opened.

Which would have been super-duper cool, if they had let us in.

Instead, I had my charges playing Simon Says for fifteen minutes on the dock out front. Simon Says “JUMP!”

Actually, Simon did say “Hug me and say YOU’RE THE GREATEST EVER!” Which they did. Cuz Simon Said.

We eventually got into the aquarium where much arguing, hiding and yelling ensued.
They were less interested in this fur seal and more interested in the photo of the fur seal located on the touch screens they could manipulate, the little bozos techno natives.

Ignoring all the live wildlife around them, dress up time in scuba clothing was also popular.
Also, known as time-killer.

Finally, we wrapped up our time with what every aquarium visit needs when it’s at least an hour too long: a rousing game of tag in the front lobby.

However, I’m glad to report that no marine mammal was injured in the making of this post, and as far as I know but I’m not listening la-la-la, all our mammals returned to their respective homes at the end of the day.

Home, where I holed in my room boozing it up to recover and remind myself to never again bring to the Seattle Aquarium more than 2 young, two-legged mammals.

What field trips from hell have you endured?

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Posted in animals, events, kid, life is good, regional

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The Santa Fe Sampler

Posted on May 13, 2011 by wendy| 2 Comments

Hey! Didya notice anything miss me?!

We at chez Let the dog in! packed up and changed planes a bunch took an actual vacation, or “vaca” which is said VAY-KAY, not VAH-KAH, which is Spanish for cow and see how educational this trip was Mrs. Second Grade Teacher?

We headed south to dry out our moist and moldy toes the lovely Santa Fe.

Okay, technically we headed east and south and then west, but I planned it, so…winning!
The historic Santa Fe Plaza. See the accordion player singing “Black Magic Woman?”

We saw a holymillion numerous churches, some very old, like this one.
Nice Jesus rays, right??

And some with fanciful tales of magically built staircases, like this one.
Up until some pagan investigated certain documentation…

We went to a history museum.
So thankful for that sign, because I don’t know about you, but whenever I see a mud wagon, I want to. touch. it. Also, hello? No mud.

We also visited a folk art museum with an astounding collection of miniatures (from a personal hoarder collector).
As the kid so eloquently put it after seeing about 2,000 with another 8,000 to go, “Mom, I’m sick of mini-a-tures.”

So, of course we had to take her outside to see more old stuff ancient cliff dwellings and climb ladders and complain about how dry her lips were at Bandolier National Monument.
To her credit, it was extra dry this year…
Hm, seems like I’m forgetting something….oh yes! Thirst!
If you’re dedicated, with some serious hunting you can usually dig up a margarita somewhere in New Mexico.
Anyone else need some drying out? I’d head on down or over and down and back again to Santa Fe!

Seriously, if you need any touring help, just contact my aunt Kay. She’s a professional tour guide who can give you the downtown walking tour, the shopping tour, the margarita and guac natural history and cultural tour…you name it! Email her at kaywbarber at gmail dot com.

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Posted in brilliant ideas, education, events, food, life is good

Eggs and Hot Glue Guns, a Cunning Easter Egg Craft or Pure Misfire?

Posted on April 21, 2011 by wendy| Comments Off

Warning: numerous eggs were harmed in the making of this post.

You all know how the Hubs is into all his power tools, right? No task too big or too small to bring some apparatus to plug into a socket.

Easter is apparently no different.

This year, besides his usual take-your-time, draw-it-out-ahead-of-time approach, the Hubs decided to experiment with a hot glue gun.

We started with plain, boiled eggs (I don’t recommend brown eggs but I’m dumb and lazy and used what we had…)

and the usual dye tablets plus vinegar.

There may have been other liquids involved so that I could handle the slooooow pace of this hot gluing and can we just dye them already??.

So, just make your design (either planned out or wing it, *ahem*) on the egg.

Be careful with the glue gun! We did have a small incident totally not related to beer.

I’m just sayin’, they don’t call it a hot glue gun for nothin’.

Then submerge in your color of choice.

So, the Hubs’ plan was to peel off the glue once the color is on the egg to reveal his special pattern in white underneath, but guess what?

Glue sticks to stuff! Oh, shit.

As you might imagine, many eggs were eaten as a result of the peeling-off process.

As a side note, if you want to peel your eggs easier, just put a bunch of hot glue on them. Works like handles!

But one or two turned out pretty cool.

And most importantly, a certain someone enjoyed eating eggs watching the process and spending quality time with her pack.

Happy Easter!

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Posted in brilliant ideas, creativity, events, food, kid, parenting

A Quickie Writing Prompt for the Writers!

Posted on April 17, 2011 by wendy| Comments Off

Hey, gang! Because I went to the Field’s End Writers’ Conference this past weekend, you get to benefit!

I went to a breakout session conducted by playwright Elizabeth Heffron, and she offered a four line, two character (potentially three) writing prompt with about five minutes to write.

Amazing, the different directions people went with it. I hope you’ll use it and put your own amazing results in a comment here (or post on your own site with a link here so we can share)!

Here’s the prompt:

A: Hey.
B: Shhhh, he’s (or she’s) sleeping.
A: Who is that?
B: What do you mean?

Here’s my scene from that starting point:
A: Hey.
B: Shhh, he’s sleeping.
A: Who is that?
B: What do you mean?
A: Who is back there? I hear snoring.
B: Well…
A: Is that your boyfriend? Are you with someone?
B: I never asked you to come over.
A: I wanted to see you.
B: Maybe we can meet somewhere, later.
A: Let’s go now. I need to talk.
B: Now’s not a good time. Maybe…?
A: No. Just come with me. I wanted to tell you. I left my wife.
B: What?
A: I said I would.
B: I never expected–
A: But I love you!
B: Shhh!
A: Marie, I mean it! I left her! I’m sure we can work out a good joint custody arrangement. I’m yours!
B: Oh.
A: I even called a lawyer.
B: Really?
A: Yes, Frank Carls.
B: Frank? You called Frank?
A: Oh, you know Frank? I’ve heard he’s the best around.
B: Yes, he’s very successful.
C: Hey, Hon, who’re you talking to out there?
B: Oh, no one, Frank. Wrong house. Someone lost.
A: Marie!
B: G’bye, Joe.
A: But I–!
(Door shuts.)

Now, you out there (yes, you) get writing!

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Posted in brilliant ideas, creativity, education, events, growth, me-me-me, writing

It’s Farmers’ Market Time!

Posted on April 10, 2011 by wendy| Comments Off

Are your local farmers’ markets up and running now? Ours here on Bainbridge Island just started yesterday under cloudy skies and 46 degree temps, but it started so I might have to stop pretending it’s February and deal with this butt-freezing spring!

If you’d like to see my pictures (there IS a baby lamb I almost KIDnapped), hop over to my post at the Kitsap Sun Mom Squad blog!

And eat your veggies, people!

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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, events, food