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yes, that’s my phone ringing…
[Readers, a survey! If you're blogging not about your crazy kids, but your crazy husband, what does that make you? a bitch? a hubbyblogger?]
Let me first say that I am not opposed to personalized ringtones unless they’re stupid or they annoy me.
I, in fact, have a few special ringtones because how can you NOT have the Partridge Family’s I Think I Love You as a ringtone if such an option exists in the Universe??
But, let us set the scene, shall we?
The Hubs loves Becca, our wire-haired pointing griffon (Who’s the most beautiful girl? Who is!? Who is?! Guess who used to be before we got the dog…).
However, we can’t all be perfect like moi just like he doesn’t especially care for my crunching, the Hubs doesn’t like her barking.
A dog? Barking?? What the what?! Color me outraged.
Against my protests, he got her this evil torture device!
A Bark Collar!
Shock treatment on the World’s Most Beautiful Girl??!
By now, you’re probably ahead of me, but imagine my shock when I heard the Hub’s new cell phone ringtone for all incoming calls:
A BARKING DOG.
Pardon me?!
(If the neighbor’s dog isn’t enough, You can go listen here — Barking Dog Ringtone ( Mobile4arab.com ).mp3)
Why would he voluntarily do such a thing?!
His answer?
…because he loves her!
Un-freakin-believable!
Am I missing something here?! Somebody needs to explain this to me…
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Posted in animals, brilliant ideas, education, marriage
Pickup Sticks
He may have his own 18th century view of parenting, but I gotta hand it to the Hubs. He has figured things out with the Kid.
We all know he’s a total Alaskan gearhead (and I have the blog posts to prove it…), so natch, he’s got a cross- oops, I’ve been corrected compound bow. And plenty of raccoons roaming around a target in our yard for practice so I recommend you call first.
Yes, this was taken in our yard.
And the beauty of it? She wants to do it. She charges out of the house if he starts a-flingin’.
Whaaaaa?
Just how did he accomplish this great feat? I have no idea.
I’m wondering if he can start flinging her dirty socks across the living room.
Now, that would be helpful. Pick up those, Kid.
Of course, she is her mother’s daughter, so throughout practice he does have to endure a certain level of, shall we say, critiquing?
Dad, you missed! Dad, oh my God, that was SO FAR from the middle! AHAHAHAHAHA! Dad, I farted!
It’s hard to find good help these days.
Have you ever trained your kid to love some chore? Please share!! Maybe I can learn something!!
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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, brilliant ideas, education, kid, outside, parenting
Let’s talk about cat clothes.
Ever go to wikihow.com? I was searching for ideas on how to hide tattoos fun children’s activities when I stumbled on this: How to Sew a Cloak for Your Cat.
Or, as I like to think of it, A Modern Suicide Modality.
I had a roommate who dressed her cats up for every holiday. Yes, little Joey and Chandler clearly wanted to die loved it.
But even she bought the outfits. She wasn’t so foolish as to tailor clothes to those beasts.
There must be a special subcategory of cuckoo eccentric cat lovers–those who make clothes for their cats?.
I know, you cat people seem practically pleased when you’re petting your fuzzy friend, who is purring away, appearing happy, and suddenly for no reason you get bit! Oh, ha, he just does that sometimes…
What?
(It’s intriguing the bleeding suffering you will head into endure when you love something, isn’t it?)
Can you imagine what would happen in the dog world equivalent? Pet-pet-pet-CHOMP! …Uh, Rover, how about a trip to “the farm”??
Anyway, for those masochist cat owners, this cloak-making project is right up your alley.
You get to do things like measure your cat from the back down the legs, from the neck to tail, and all around the neck. And I’m sure that will go well.
After you’ve applied band-aids, you cut and sew the cloak, and then yes, put elastic around the neck just to keep Muffy from ripping it into shreds in 3 seconds it looking smart.
If you look at the instructions page, the finished product is shown on…what’s that? 
Yes! A person’s arm.
Which, turns out, is perfect for covering up all those bloody scratch and bite marks.
Am I missing anything?
In sum, dogs, clearly superior, yes?
Or, do we just endure a less bloody different suffering in the canine crowd?
Nah, clearly superior.
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Posted in animals, brilliant ideas, creativity, education, weirdo
what did you accidentally throw away?
Recently a friend okay, fine, it was me accidentally probably just misplaced for an indeterminate period of time threw away a government document relating to an automobile. Ahem.
So, what’s a law-abiding citizen to do? Call the governmental office? Get the low down on such situations?
As if. It’s 2011. I googled, of course. But I got distracted.
You google this phrase: “accidentally threw away.”
Guess what? People are freakin’ nuts have thrown away tons of embarrassing stuff by accident and then went online to admit it to the world.
You name it, it’s been thrown away: homework, earrings, Macbook Air computer, a mattress with $1 million dollars in it, her diaphragm sorry, dude, her birth control pills maybe it’s just not meant to be, a high school diploma, a retainer sorry, mom and dad, car registration not me, of course! okay, yes, me, grandma’s urn (well, donated anyways…), tools (not an issue here, as the Hubs never puts throws anything away, let alone his precious tools!), personal memorabilia of your spouse’s sure, that was an accident…, concert tickets, and worst of all, original artwork at a gallery (actually, it was shaped like a garbage bag, so whatdya gonna do?).
No wonder our landfills are land fulls!
Come on, your turn. Confess. No one is looking really, that’s true, not counting my mom, what did you accidentally throw away?
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Posted in Bainbridge Island, WA, brilliant ideas, education, growth, life is good, questions, weirdo
