Category Archives: aging

Sunrise Over Stupidity

Idiots come in many forms; sometimes, they can even be spotted in my a mirror.

But every now and then one pops up from the outside, directly in your face.

And what is a blog for if not to vent about idiots? I mean, really, I could lose my blogger membership card if I miss this opportunity.

Here’s my most recent idiot encounter:

So, I’m taking another improv class in a complex scheme to avoid housework, taught by him here, and one of the students is a guy who’s been in a couple of other improv classes with me. We won’t name names, but let’s just say his name rhymes with “gall.”

We hadn’t been in a class together for at least six months, I’m a little nervous about not censoring myself like I do to live in my world, and Gall sits down next to me.

Hey, how’s it going, Gall? I say.

Oh, great…been seeing some plays, this and this… Have you seen those?

No, I’m doing good getting here, ya know.

Do you have kids?

Yea, I have an eight year old.

YOU have an eight year old??
Sheer shock at this modern medical miracle began to register on his old face.

As I see this I start to think, just how old do you think I am??

Have you ever thought of coloring your hair? I mean, you could look at least ten years younger!

Gee, Gall, have you ever thought of penis enlargement surgery?

Well, actually, some people compliment me on my silver hair…

He rolls his eyes (!) in a you’re-gonna-believe-that? and that my wife left me? look.


Mind if I ask you a personal question because I have no social chip in my head and I’ll keep going until you shoot me?

You mean another?? I say.

How old are you?

I’m 39, or possibly just barely 45.

[Audible gasp] I hoped thought you were at least 55 and single!

I grab my right hip.

Do you think I need to go on a diet, too, and get rid of this, you fr*&%#in idiot??

I confess, face-to-face, I am a relatively sweet particularly when sober Texas girl who gets speechless at others’ less-than-polite commentary. Hence, the improv classes.

What do you do with these people when they pop up??!

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10 Years Ago Today…

A Star Was Born…

Happy Birthday, Becca…or Beccaboohoo for short!

Thanks for all the great beach walks, park runs counter-surfing adventures , bed-hogging and nostril/brain licks.
Here’s to ten more years, Boo Boo, of letting you in.

We love you.

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Getting Discovered

Lots of bloggers like me folks online are waiting to be discovered, hit the big time, be rich, be applauded be given free maid service and car detailing for life.

Well, years have passed with this here blog…and I’m still waiting.
*fingernails tap tap tapping*

In fact, this week officially marked another one, a birthday for little ol’ me. Okay, perhaps it should be just “old me.”

While having a margarita with a couple of friends, they surprised me with “birthday speech!” “birthday speech!”

Just ask the Hubs about me and impromptu words (hint: when surprised by our rent-a-minister saying “you can now add your own vows” during our marriage in Belize, a stunned and speechless me let the Hubs go first. And what jewel did I say after? “Uh, can I ditto?”).

There’s a reason I take improv classes…

And what wise morsels did I, a more mature Wendy, dish out for my birthday well-wishers this week?

Errrrr, the older you get, the less you know!

and

I realize now how little control you have over pretty much everything in life!

Uplifting stuff, yes? That might explain the silent, disappointed gazes

Years ago, I thought life was a learning curve, steep at first and then totally flattening out, and then you just are.

But again I was wrong.

I’d say now that life is more like a dig, for discovering things, mostly things closely related inside you, like yourself.

And everyone is doing it, whether you are hammering with a chisel on that rock that is you, or just sitting by a river that flows rapid and rough during storms or calm and peaceful on summer days. Excess rock gets removed to reveal more of your true form in every moment, in each breeze.

So, surprise! Maybe, if you’re lucky and live long enough, you are getting discovered.

By you.

And, birthday friends, now that I’ve had time and no tequila yet today, that is my birthday wisdom for you.

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a different kind of “Queen experience”

Many bloggers like to wear tiaras and be “queen for the day.” Not me. I went to see Queen for a night.

Okay, technically, it was not Queen. After all, the amazing Freddie Mercury has been gone from this plane 20 years November.

But did you know his flashy spirit dips in and sings out of Gary Mullen?

Here’s Don’t Stop Me Now:

Sounds pretty close to Freddie, eh?

Seeing this show was one big, freaky flashback. First, I was catapulted back in time. My dad took me, for goodness sake. And he was the one who first took me and older brother to rock concerts back in the late 70′s, early 80′s.

We didn’t quite appreciate it then.

Daddy, what’s that smell? It stinks in here. Daddy, Van Halen is really loud. My ears hurt. Can we go now?

But eventually we got into it and as a tweener, I developed a crush on Jackson Browne after seeing him live with my dad. Pre-teen angst?

Then, there’s the venue where we saw Gary Mullen, the Mount Baker Theater. Seeing a rock band in a nice theater is slightly off-putting.

The air is so clear in here, Dad. And hm, come to think of it, I’m completely sober.

Then there was “Freddie.” Gary has it down, the struts, the swagger, the Hey-HEHs! He sang us a beautiful Somebody to Love.

Just to hear those songs played live again was a thrill (I saw Queen in high school, as any good fan club member would, and then wrote to my Queen fan club pen pals, telling them about it all!).

And the crowd, well, the crowd was a quirky mix of kids with parents *ahem* and those who, how shall I say, seemed to have lived a slightly “rougher” and perhaps blurrier life than I. But were still around to request songs.

One guy in back kept shouting, “BICYCLE!!”

No, they never did.

But somewhere in the middle of the second half of the show, I felt this creepy, time-warp thing, like in movies when the actor’s face stays in the center of the screen but the camera has been pulling back and zooming in simultaneously to give a wharp-y, dizzying effect.

That was me. Zooming from pre-teen, thru high school, blurry years of college and grad school, even blurrier single life, and somehow, through the magic of a normal timeline, now my tiny baby is 7, my dad is in his 70′s, and I’m in my 40′s with a different kind of biological clock ticking. Or perhaps it’s a bell, you know, tolling.

But at least we’re spending our remaining time wisely.

We were at a freakin’ Queen concert!

I don’t know how, but doesn’t it seem like life’s clock picks up speed somewhere along the line?

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dear boob

[No, this is actually not about the Hubs.]

Dear Left Boob,

I am so so sorry for what I allowed those medical people to do to you last week. I only intended we go in for the annual mammogram. You have every right to be mad. It was cruel and unusual punishment, pure brutality, without nary an ounce of contrition on their part.

Except that now we know when a medical person says, “This is going to hurt,” you believe it.

I don’t know why, now that we’ve advanced to digital options with immediate x-ray results, they still use barbaric, boob-squishing torture plates of hell.

She’s haawwt.

I’m not sure why they picked on you for extra slides. You’re smaller than your sister, with little for any to object to. You served your milk-providing time with pride. You’ve done nothing but be there like a good boob, wobbling around and causing shirts not to fit.

But for you, to get to know you more intimately, they pulled out the extra thick, panini flattener. With you, the melted provolone.

I wouldn’t blame you if you held a grudge. A lesser boob might never recover, but you need to remember that you still have me and your sister.

Fortunately, the doctor ultimately decided you looked just fine.

I only hope that some day you and your milk ducts can forgive me for what I allowed.

Also, I hope that some day you might perk up a little bit. Is that too much to ask?

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