What’s in that bottle exactly?

Sure, it’s easy enough to rant about products and advertising. If you want to really laugh, read this Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma catalog. Go ahead, I’ll wait here…


Where was I? Oh, yes, ranting. “Ranting” is such an ugly word. I’d like to think of it more as curiosity (my new favorite approach to anything triggering my annoyance button and goes something like this: hmmmm, isn’t that interesting…?).

Let’s get curious, shall we? Take a gander here:

First off, it cracks me up that marketers have assumed that women will be drawn to hair products called “Long Term Relationship.”

Are we that pathetic obvious?

Oh, maybe that guy you saw as The Answer didn’t pan out and you’re heartbroken, but for only $4.99 you can have a nice, clean head of hair Long Term Relationship! You want it, you know you do.

Is it fair they exploit our hearts’ desires of deep and lasting connection with another human being in a personal care product? At least Disney spends millions on animation and story and special effects when they do this.

What’s next? Tight Ass toothpaste?

And where’s the male equivalent, “One Night Stand, No Strings” hair gel product?

Yes, it’s somewhat punny, Madison Avenue. Long hair, long term, yeah, gotcha.

Or maybe, now that I have long hair – until I get it cut like Jack Frost in Rise of the Guardians
(Photo from tumblr.com)
I could see it as an acknowledgment of the huge commitment of having long hair, the brushing, the conditioning, the having to do something with it.

Ask any parent of a young daughter with long hair about the hassle factor unless she’s like my girl who seems to love gazing like Narcissus at her reflection as she slowly and lovingly brushes her hair.

And what is on the ingredient list of Long Term Relationship?

The cynical view: lowered expectations, boredom, dream sacrifice, dusty sex toys, lying, cheating, struggle, resignation, alcoholism, unmet needs, and a dash of the silent treatment.

The optimistic view: teamwork, communication, self-awareness, acceptance, listening, bravery, family, growth, respect and a dash of surprise.

Either way, you’re not getting it for a mere $5 bucks.

[Disclosure: my 9-year-old grabbed this off the grocery store shelf and I, not paying attention per usual, bought it. Did she read the label or was she merely drawn to the bright red color? Or was her subconscious drawn to it…..? Let’s go with oh, red, shiny, pretty so I can sleep at night.]

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One response to “What’s in that bottle exactly?

  1. Most of the companies now have really taken the word “exaggerate” on their every advertisement. It’s actually cute though. I don’t know but I just find the label of the can catchy and..well, interesting! 🙂