The Shiny Coat Series: A Dip into Food Detox’ing

So, we just ended early finished a 3-week food detox here, the Hubs and I. I would have written about it as it was going on, but I was too weak and mentally incapacitated way bitchier than normal and who needs to read bad news, right?

Here’s what we didn’t consume: wheat, dairy, sugar, caffeine, alcohol (excluding a glass a wine that time or two), beef, pork, and corn.

What’s left, you say? Just all that crap we’re supposed to be eating all the time anyways–vegetables, fruits, other grains, beans, nuts, seeds, etc. Plus, we took extra supplements and stuff that were supposed to cleanse the liver.

I did this detox before, all by myself, and I have to say I was much less tempted then. It seems when you have a partner, you also (or, me and my devilish mind) potentially have a partner in crime. I kept offering to cheat. Wanna have some wine? Just one? I will if you will…

When I was detoxing alone I was all, “NO, I can’t possibly have wine because I am DETOX’ing, thanks for remembering, and how can you sit there drinking in front of me?? It must be because you really don’t love me at all, do you? And probably never did?!”

Detoxes make me more dramatic. It’s the sugar deprivation.

This time if I was testy, and I’m not saying I was, it was only because the Hubs lost 9 pounds in 8 days or some such b.s. Meanwhile, yours truly lost +1 pounds.

I was hoping to jump start eating healthier with this detox, but I was so lazy this time around, we ended up subsisting on rice cakes with almond or cashew butter. There were bits of rice cakes everyfreakingwhere. Can I just say after O.D.’ing on almond butter, I was ready to propose to the cashew butter. You’re so creamy, you’re so smooth, and…and…my mouth is now watering.

If you do it right, you can also test for food sensitivities at the end when you’re all cleansed, but we pretty much launched directly into pizza and beer which blew that idea into outer space. I recommend at least easing your way back into other foods. Your gut unlike my vengeful bastard will thank you.

The liver part of it I can’t really say. I think liver stuff is subtle, unless you’re really in trouble. I think my skin improved, my concentration improved, and I felt clearer mentally. Everyone should try it at least once. It will make you try new foods, show you see how your body feels without its regular standbys, and shake things up a bit. That’s always good, right?

Next up: I started drinking coconut kefir every day to add flora to my gut. Stay tuned for what will be a riveting report!

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2 responses to “The Shiny Coat Series: A Dip into Food Detox’ing

  1. I do love you, dearest one.

  2. Aw, you’re sweet now that you’re drinking coffee again… 🙂