Intimacy 101

[Warning: this post is not G rated. But it's summer, the Kid is out of school, nerves are strained...so I'm allowed.]

It only takes a few years or months, or days of commingling and canoodling with the opposite sex for it to become incredibly clear that this man-woman stuff involves some emotional juggling of Ringling Brothers proportions.

Women, have you noticed how totally unmatched we are to men when it comes to our needs in the intimacy department?

God, I love You, but you are one twisted mofo. Pardon my French.

I’m not the first to mention this issue, but let’s compare a woman’s needs for intimacy to a man’s needs:

1. Women: talk to me, listen to me, communicate, understand my point of view on everything from children’s shampoo to abortion laws, and then I will feel tingling inside.

Men: uh, you could grab my balls.

2. Women: forget perfume and flowers, do something for me that I truly need and will feel grateful for, like empty the dishwasher and put it all back where it belongs, pick up your inside-out socks, or put away the laundry, then I will start feeling hot.

Men: well, you could always grab my balls…

3. Women: notice when I make an effort to look good, genuinely compliment me and not in a lewd, chee-chee-chee, construction guy way, and make me feel appreciated during the daytime.

Men: did I mention my balls?

Such amazing aggravating adventures in mating! Maybe some day, I’ll join a vodka-of-the-month club figure it all out…

Have you and your mate figured a mutual language?

Disclaimer: You, readers, are hereby put on notice that this post in no way, shape or form, in any past, current or future version, whether intended or otherwise, refers to any person or person(s) in a current, marital relationship, whether legally valid in the U.S., in which the author may or may not be presently entered.

Come join the Let the dog in! gang on Facebook and Twitter!!

Post Footer automatically generated by Add Post Footer Plugin for wordpress.