Let the dog in!

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My husband, 6 year-old daughter and I went to Disneyland, and I thought it might be helpful for any of you planning a similar trip to benefit from my mistakes and poor judgment experiences.

Here are my top 9 tips for visiting Disneyland (oh, there are more, just email me…!):

1. Stay by the park, or in the park, or in a bush near the park. I know, I know, many have stayed, including us, a mile or two away from the park and rode the Anaheim shuttle bus, but I’ve decided next time I’d sacrifice the comfortable suite setup, to just have a mediocre or crappy tiny room that I could walk quickly over to the Mouse. Come on, you’re not here to be comfortable on vacation; you’re here to see Disneyland! This way, you’ll maximize your time and energy, especially when your spouse child is getting tired and cranky mid-afternoon. Or if there’s a late show, like Fantasmic, you’ll be more likely to pop over and check it out.

Which you should because it’s great and you probably won’t be back for years.

Alternate plan: a friend suggested staying in Dana Point, a nice beachy town and, she says, a 20 min. drive away, better setting and better bang for your buck.

2. Get a hotel with a pool, but beware. Beware because that moment will come perhaps two hours into Day 1 when you’re at Disneyland planning your next move, and your little lovebug looks up and says, “Can we go back to the pool NOW?”

3. Bring ear plugs. Harbor Boulevard, the main drag of hotel chains, is big, wide and busy. Think Vegas strip with palm trees and extra long blocks. If your hotel is on that road, you’re gonna need to stop the ringing in your ears and ignore the buses at 5am your rest during the downtime.

4. Get a multi-day park hopper ticket. This might just be me, but contrary to the rest of my group, I wanted MORE time at the park. Yes, we had a 3-day pass. Besides Disneyland and all its lushness, you easily spend a day at California Adventure riding Soarin’ over California again and again ohhowilovedthatride. Don’t wait until you get to the front gates; you can buy tickets from Disney cheaper online.

5. Fastpass is your friend. Get them whenever you can. Don’t know what they are? Find out. Hint: it’s not a wink and a smile from a park worker.

We were at Disneyland in November, an off-season period, and still, certain rides, I’m looking at you, TOY STORY and NEMO, had longass lines and no Fastpass option. If you child is interested in princesses, you WILL stand in line.

And read that book everyone says to read, The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland. It will open your eyes to attacking the park unlike never before if, unlike mine, your group will actually get up in the morning.

6. Plan on buying lots of water at the park or at Target or wherever. Sure, I am a tightwad brought my water bottle Day 1 planning on refilling it at the park and forcing my whole group to drink from it, but holymamaofaquiferhellbatman, that tap water tasted NASTY. So did our hotel tap water. Guess we are spoiled here in all our PNW natural beauty and good tasting water.

That, plus, the Hubs put a filter on a filter on a filter on our main water line a few years back.

7. Prepare to be that bad parent who puts their kid on a ride that terrifies the crap out of them. Like a colonoscopy, it WILL happen to you; it’s just a matter of when. My kid decided the second time she rode the Indiana Jones ride, it scared her little Princess panties off. Second time, people.

8. Don’t beat yourself up when you weaken and purchase some perfectly useful watch or charming mug ridiculous item with a Disney logo that afterward you find online on sale with free shipping at the end of your trip. You’re only human and these Disney merchandisers are not.

Also, check out the Silhouette Studio on Main Street. Even if you don’t get one made of your offspring, which you should since it’s only $9 and is probably the best souvenir you could ever have, it is mindblowing to watch this woman pick up scissors and cut out the shape of someone’s face on that black paper in 15 seconds.

9. Lastly, prepare your husband your ego for seeing some fake boobs. This is the O.C., after all. Imagine, skinny woman, skinny arms, ponytail, tank top, and two well-rounded puffs of tanned silicone peeking out, like two little, softbrained aliens trapped under her bronzed casing trying to go home. You’ll want to avert your eyes, but can’t.

Makes me appreciate home, fleece and turtlenecks, rain and windstorms…

So, there you have it. Best of luck in all your Disney adventures. Enjoy your trip!

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