It’s a dessert! It’s a bubble bath!

In a recent mad dash to the grocery store, after carefully inspecting all ingredients for their propensity to safely clean a newborn and create world peace I grabbed this 4-in-1 product:

It’s shampoo, conditioner, body wash and bubble bath. Can you really be a decent hair conditioner and bubble bath? How are those things related, except for being on the same aisle at the store?

And what about the aisle? Where are you supposed to shelve this? With shampoos? Body washes? I found it with bubble bath. Did someone try it and decide, yeah, it says all that, but really, it’s bubble bath?

(In fact, it is a piss-poor bubble bath. Small bubbles, no real foaming action. Perhaps, it should go to the pathetic, ineffectual body washes area….)

4 uses might be too much for any one product. Maybe 2 is a more reasonable goal, like dessert topping and floor wax. If you’re old at least 29, like me (*cough*), you’ll probably remember SNL’s commercial skit featuring Gilda Radner and Dan Ackroyd as a married couple arguing over the dual purpose of a certain household product. Chevy Chase is the spokesman.

I couldn’t find the video–youtube gets a big F! But I did find the transcript which everyone knows is as hilarious as any video. (You kids know what a “transcript” is, right? We etched them onto cave walls while we ate raw woolly mammoth loin.) I search hulu.com, too, which asked if I meant to say “floor sex” instead of “floor wax”. Hulu, what kind of crazy TV sh*t are you publishing??

Here is the transcript:

Wife: New Shimmer is a floor wax!

Husband: No, new Shimmer is a dessert topping!

Wife: It’s a floor wax!

Husband: It’s a dessert topping!

Wife: It’s a floor wax, I’m telling you!

Husband: It’s a dessert topping, you cow!

Spokesman: [ enters quickly ] Hey, hey, hey, calm down, you two. New Shimmer is both a floor wax and a dessert topping! Here, I’ll spray some on your mop.. [ sprays Shimmer onto mop ] ..and some on your butterscotch pudding. [ sprays Shimmer onto pudding ]

[ Husband eats while Wife mops ]

Husband: Mmmmm, tastes terrific!

Wife: And just look at that shine!

Comedy gold, baby, from 1975!

(Hey, mom, what was your 9 year old doing up this late??)

I bring all this up because I enjoy rambling and am bored with Mob Wars on Facebook recently discovered that Jello could be marketed as a dual-purpose concept. Yes, just spray water on a little bit of leftover Jello and guess what?

Bubble city!
It’s true. Try it. And note the time you save: they can eat their dessert and bathe at the same time! Slop a little Jello in the bathtub, turn on the faucet, and watch the fun.
Don’t worry, sweetie, whatever you don’t slurp up fast enough will make great bubble fun!

Although your child may come out of the bath tinted blue, if you use the Berry Blue flavor….

But even that girl who turned blue in Willy Wonka eventually turned back to normal.

She did, didn’t she?

Is there a dual-purpose product you’d like to have created?

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