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Recent local news to gross you out educate you on the state of really long, and super-gross and slimy almost extinct giant worms:

By JOHN K. WILEY, Associated Press Writer
SPOKANE, Wash. (AP) - Parts of an earthworm found near the Cascade mountain town of Leavenworth have challenged scientists’ contentions that a unique, 3-foot-long native species lives only in the Palouse region of Washington and Idaho….

3 foot long? Um, ICK. And Leavenworth is such a cute (maybe, too cute) town.

The recent discoveries are only the seventh time one of the elusive creatures has been found since the 1970s….

You’d be an elusive creature, too, if you looked like that and had no legs or wings to get away. Have you seen the number of robins in this state? Hello?

Once thought to be plentiful under the native Palouse prairie,…

Plentiful? Again, ICK.

…. where the pale white earthworms reportedly grew to 3 feet long, only chopped-up remnants of a foot or less have been found in recent decades.

“Chopped-up remnants”?? True, even Top Chef contestants have never used more than one or two feet of worm. 3 would overpower the rest of the ingredients.

Scientists think it may secrete a lily-scented mucous to discourage predators.

Now, you’re just bullsh*ttin’ us, right?

“We are going to resample those sites. We’re hoping to collect intact specimens for identification,” she said. “It is often the case with soft-bodied organisms that they do get damaged.”

Don’t I know it. I find bruises every morning on my soft body and have NO IDEA how I got them.

The most recent remains of what is likely a Palouse earthworm were found in Palouse prairie remnants on the Paradise Ridge farm of Wayne and Jacie Jensen south of Moscow in early March.

Note to self: cancel summer vacation to Paradise Farm.

Lee Matthews, a Seattle resident who owns 20 acres of Ponderosa pine forest near Leavenworth, sent portions of a large worm he found last November to Johnson-Maynard.

Always the romantic, that Lee. Nothing like giant worm parts to warm a girl’s heart.

I know, I know. Where’s the picture of this slippery guy?

Here:

Cute, eh? And that’s before the stylist had arrived.

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