Let the dog in!

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Last night, I had a golden opportunity slip right through my fingers, my fingers that have handed over countless movie tickets to ticket rippers, eaten billions of buckets of popcorn while watching larger-than-life images roll in front of me, and grabbed innumerable armrests during shocker moments of thrillers.

An A.C. Nielsen Movie Survey guy called my house. He wanted to know MY OPINION. ON MOVIES. This is a dream come true.

I wasn’t totally shocked. No. I’d seen that number on the caller I.D. and finally I was home when it happened. My heart sped as I answered.

Until reality slapped me in the face.

“How many movies have you gone to in the past two months?”

Gone to? Like in a theater? I was stumped. I sputtered, “One, maybe.” LOSER.

“Uh. Is there anyone else in the house who might have gone more often?” OUCH. Ditching me for the cute roommate already.

Understand, before marriage and kids, my answer would have been something like…..15 or 20! Or 30 in a good month. I was a movie-going monster. All kinds, indies, foreign, big budgets.

“Do DVD’s at home count? I watch those.”

“Ah. No.” SIGH.

“Well, what movie did you see in the past two months?” He tosses a life preserver, possibly humoring me as I think I heard pages turning, like an REI catalog or something.

But this was my CHANCE. What movie? What movie? I totally froze. Thhhhhiiiiinnnnnkkkkkk. My brain took a holiday to the south of France. Alone.

I sputtered, stammered and all those “s” words. I couldn’t remember. IDIOT.

“It’s okay. It’s no big deal, really. Enjoy the rest of your evening. Click.” HEY, women are supposed to say THAT to MEN. Not the other way around. WAHHHHHHHHH. Flicked off like bits of dander on his shoulder.

I didn’t even think to say Lars and the Real Girl, which I watched at home, but HE didn’t need to know that! IDIOT.

MOVIE LOSER.

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