Thursday, December 27th, 2007...7:12 pm
do you know the sausage man?
[Warning: vegetarians may want to look away.]
This Christmas we had no guests, went nowhere, and just hung out in our dishabille. Except for one project taken on by DH.
Those who know him know that my spouse, DH, the hubs, periodically amuses himself by taking on a new food project. I’d say he tries a new recipe, but it’s really, OH, SO MUCH MORE than that. There was the cannoli phase (oy, the experimental frying of various doughs to form the perfect, crispy tube of a shell for the sweet cream), the creme brulee phase (this hit two birds since he got to buy fire-breathing gear, too), the Polish sausage phase (hour upon hour of oven time, with a spoon poking out to keep the door ajar), and the rotisseried baby back ribs (slab upon slab of slippery, rubbed pork staring out of metal bowls–oink). He’s nothing if not international.
The good news: all these phases resulted in tasty treats. The bad news: all these phases incurred substantial kitchen time and space, vertically and horizontally. DH does not make a small amount of anything on a regular day, but on those days, we’re talkin’ world hunger levels.
Now, to bring us up to speed, this year’s adventure involved…drum roll, please………BEEF JERKY, with a side of MORE SAUSAGE.
Which all relied on DH’s meat grinding and casing stuffing skills. (Praise the mighty KitchenAid attachments!) 
Which means our little kitchen was COVERED in TINY MEAT BITS (excuse me for yelling). And it wasn’t just the counters and the floor. NO, I’m still finding it in wee crevices, like where the refrigerator door handle meets the door, under the microwave door, and even SMUDGED ON THE WALL CALENDAR (thank goodness it’s the last page….).
It’s as if a cow had been inducted into Al Quaida, smuggled bomb fixin’s across the Canadian border, and mistook our kitchen for the Federal Reserve Building downtown.
Meaty moo bits. Everywhere.
My extra-grumpy self also wants to point out that his project began Christmas Eve day.
Fortunately, our holiday guests this year amounted to the ghosts of cows and hogs past. Nevertheless, I felt my kitchen had been taken hostage with no ransom request. Where is Mel Gibson when you need him? Oh, yes, in anger management classes.
So, we are fully stocked in sausage, casings and loose, and beef jerky, three varieties.
And guess who got the biggest payoff?
As usual.
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10 Comments
December 27th, 2007 at 9:12 pm
You shouldn’t make me laugh like that. It starts uncontrollable coughing!
December 28th, 2007 at 8:22 am
Hmmmm . . . kinda spooky how similar our hubbys sound. Mine also LOVES a new food project, and inevitably ends up making enough to feed a small army. Usually, his creations are fabulous (although his fruit cake endeavors a few Christmases back nearly lost us most of our friends).
I’m thinking that if we got them together, we might have a solution to world hunger.
December 28th, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Mmm…I’m comin’ over for dinner! How does he do his beef jerky? Does he use strips of beef or the pressed kind? Do you have a dehydrator? I used to do jerky, but my dehydrator broke. *sob sob*
Dog doesn’t look like she’s gonna share her big, bloody, juicy treat with anyone! And I don’t blame her.
December 28th, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Jeff, control yourself!!! You might break something.
Brooke, you mean mine is not the only one?? It is frightening, the visionary chef…..
Jenn, for jerky he used a jerky gun-looking thing (just purchased) with the ground beef we had. Then it slow cooks in the oven for-frickin’-ever. We don’t have a dehydrator (shhhh, don’t tell DH there is an appliance we don’t own!).
December 28th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
The only words that come to mind are HOLY COW!!!
December 31st, 2007 at 1:00 am
“Meaty moo bits.” OMG, I am ROFL at your pain. Sorry!
I’m happy to present your post as part of the Happy New Year’s Carnival of Family Life which I am hosting 12/31/07 at Mixed Metaphor.net! Hope you’ll drop by the party and join in the festivities — we have many wonderful entries this week!
December 31st, 2007 at 3:58 pm
I’m glad to see things have not changed much there.
December 31st, 2007 at 6:26 pm
Yup. Same ol’, same ol’ here….
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:14 am
Twitch! Twitch! Meaty moo bits over surface. Oh, would I be whipping out the bleach spray. He sounds just like my husband. He wears his white chef jacket and hat, which stays generally pristine, but the the grout, the floors, and the ceiling enter a vortex of chopped herbs, saucy sauces, and unidentified cooking goo. I feel for you woman.
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Yes, pity me!! Pity me!! I do!!
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