Monthly Archives: December 2007

[Warning: vegetarians may want to look away.]

This Christmas we had no guests, went nowhere, and just hung out in our dishabille. Except for one project taken on by DH.

Those who know him know that my spouse, DH, the hubs, periodically amuses himself by taking on a new food project. I’d say he tries a new recipe, but it’s really, OH, SO MUCH MORE than that. There was the cannoli phase (oy, the experimental frying of various doughs to form the perfect, crispy tube of a shell for the sweet cream), the creme brulee phase (this hit two birds since he got to buy fire-breathing gear, too), the Polish sausage phase (hour upon hour of oven time, with a spoon poking out to keep the door ajar), and the rotisseried baby back ribs (slab upon slab of slippery, rubbed pork staring out of metal bowls–oink). He’s nothing if not international.

The good news: all these phases resulted in tasty treats. The bad news: all these phases incurred substantial kitchen time and space, vertically and horizontally. DH does not make a small amount of anything on a regular day, but on those days, we’re talkin’ world hunger levels.

Now, to bring us up to speed, this year’s adventure involved…drum roll, please………BEEF JERKY, with a side of MORE SAUSAGE.

Which all relied on DH’s meat grinding and casing stuffing skills. (Praise the mighty KitchenAid attachments!)

Which means our little kitchen was COVERED in TINY MEAT BITS (excuse me for yelling). And it wasn’t just the counters and the floor. NO, I’m still finding it in wee crevices, like where the refrigerator door handle meets the door, under the microwave door, and even SMUDGED ON THE WALL CALENDAR (thank goodness it’s the last page….).

It’s as if a cow had been inducted into Al Quaida, smuggled bomb fixin’s across the Canadian border, and mistook our kitchen for the Federal Reserve Building downtown.

Meaty moo bits. Everywhere.

My extra-grumpy self also wants to point out that his project began Christmas Eve day.

Fortunately, our holiday guests this year amounted to the ghosts of cows and hogs past. Nevertheless, I felt my kitchen had been taken hostage with no ransom request. Where is Mel Gibson when you need him? Oh, yes, in anger management classes.

So, we are fully stocked in sausage, casings and loose, and beef jerky, three varieties.

And guess who got the biggest payoff?

As usual.

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