Monthly Archives: May 2007

this looks like a good day to escape…..

It was an easy job, really. Kid, that patsy, left the side gate open after trying to get her tricycle into the backyard. I saw my chance. That lady who sleeps in my bed, my sometime walker, didn’t even notice. I roamed northward this time, to throw them off my trail.

Yeah, I eventually heard my name being called, but so what? Just cheers from my fans. Oh, the smells! The smells! I even found a few delicious items to roll in. Then I saw her running across the street, frantic look, ponytail falling out. She was yelling back at Kid, who was naked in the yard, something about “stay blahblahblah…..you blahblahblah….stay…!” She even went up to that parked car with the pig in it, although it looked more like a person than a pig to me.

I finally took pity on her and came running back just before she got in the car to search. I pretended I just then heard her screams. She seemed happy enough. It was hot. I really could go much farther on a cooler day.

187812181305_0_alb.jpg[Guest post written by Becca/LTK/Bad Dog!!
Note my vengeful use of a most embarrassing photo]

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3 things the books fail to tell you about potty training

1. If you go the “let them run around naked outside in the summer” route, your child may develop a penchant for ONLY doing it outside. For example, they are playing inside, minding their own business for once, and wham! that urge strikes. Clothes are ripped off and next thing you know, your child is running into the yard to squat. You can only hope she has been using the back yard. Beware condo owners. The association does not appreciate the equivalent activity in your hallways.

2. Even though they may fully master the process, emotionally they may still use their immaturity against you, as in the “vengeful pee.” This pee (or it could be #2, also, depending on the temperament of the child) is exhibited when the child is alone, being punished somehow, possibly in her room. She could come out to the bathroom, she could even use the little potty in her room, but NO, she takes off her clothes and opts for the floor. Is this an “accident”? Was the Titanic an “accident” or just a series of very bad decisions….?

3. Assuming your child comes to appreciate the convenience of an actual potty, she may also come to realize that while there is plenty of soft, white Charmin available, there also happens to be soft, large TOWELS hanging in the bathroom, which although slightly farther away, become the preferred choice of wipes. Really, who wouldn’t rather use a towel? Anyone who would not have to do the laundry, I’d say.

No books I read on training, and yes, I read a lot, discussed these issues. I don’t have answers for you, let alone myself, but felt I should warn the rest of you, particularly with summer approaching and yard option being what it is. Good luck and I’ll see you in the detergents aisle at the grocery store!

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No, I’d never chew YOUR shoe…..

remy_karelianbear08.jpg

I have a new favorite website — http://dailypuppy.com. Loaded with cuuuuuute puppy pictures, it is a perfect mood lifter. And educational. Who knew there is such a thing as a goldendoodle? This critter is a Karelian bear dog, yes, a dog for bear hunters. Little tough guy. Check this site out on those crappy days. Almost makes me consider a second dog…..

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mmmemmmories, light the corners of my mind….

The problem with having a kid at an AMA (advanced maternal age, for all you young whippersnappers!), well, one problem, is that you have memories of life Before Kid. Like Memorial Day weekend. You Always had something going on for this weekend; someone Always had a party of some kind to go to, in town, out of town. Sure, sometimes there was trouble. A longtime relationship breakup. A car backed into my parked car. But, overall, good memories, yes, good times. Now. Not so much. Now, I am married to someone who does not even KNOW it’s a long weekend. Well, he might by now (Saturday afternoon), but I can’t guarantee that. In fact, DH has been known to go on the ferry to work, only to call me at home, saying “Uh, is it a holiday or something? There is no one on the boat. Is my office open?” Now, there is not only Kid, there are House Projects, too. Ugh.

I guess it doesn’t matter. With my current job (motherhood), there is NO LONG WEEKEND. I miss the buzz.

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Light Drinking May….

Keep Dementia at Bay.

Finally. A good news story. This has been my secret hope all along. Of course, the studied subjects were senior citizens, but that only gives me something to look forward to in 25 years….. I’ve always been a self-starter (hey, in certain areas), so I will start gearing up now.

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7 signs you might be tired

1. You squeeze hand lotion onto your toothbrush.
2. You find your fresh mug of tea, ice cold and untouched, five hours after you made it.
3. You find your toothbrush, complete with actual toothpaste, at bedtime from when you prepared it that morning.
4. You can’t finish the laundry because it is too f$%#@’ing heavy to move those wet clothes from the washer into the dryer (and you have a stack system with the washer on top).
5. Your child is eating a popsicle at 8:42am while wearing your newest necklace and scarf because you have been awake together for over two and a half hours and you surrendered.
6. The baby swing at the park, back and forth, back and forth, lulls you to sleep, standing up, again.
7. You find that mug of tea in the microwave Tuesday after you reheated it Monday.

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today’s anatomy: what did she just say??

I am getting the evil eye from my spouse. What did you do this time, you wonder. This glance came after DH heard Kid announce that she had banged her vagina on something while in the tub or getting out of the tub, I am not sure. I shudder to think of the Google searches my website will turn up in now, but that is what she shouted from the bathroom (yes, to make matters worse, we parents had a kid in the tub ALONE while we polished off a bottle of ….. what was this dear??).

“What did she just say??”

DH could not believe his ears and stated that he personally did not even KNOW that word until college, which for him was later in life after he got out of that JD halfway house (kidding!). I guess people did not discuss body parts with three year olds in Alaska in the early 1960′s. He claims he only knew this stuff from the street translations. But then he married me many moons later (at least we are pretty sure it was valid; it was Belize), and I decided early on that my daughter would not refer to that area as her “package.” Imagine the trouble later in life….see fellow in building lobby, holding door open: excuse me, miss, can I hold your package for you?

Oh, the power we mommas have at home alone with our kids!! Let’s hear it for anatomically correct words! Woo hoo! Shake your groove thang!

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