Let the dog in!

I’ll be traveling this week with my Kid to visit relatives she either has not met or not seen in awhile (you’ll just have to amuse yourselves unless I figure out remote blogging). Our sojourn takes us to St. Louis, for ice cream, pizza and steak, and then Dallas, Texas, for Tex-Mex, more Tex-Mex, and possibly BBQ. OK, for me, it’s a food tour.

Even though there are only two of us, I feel out numbered somehow and have had anxiety for the past week. We’ll be on a plane for at least four hours for the long portions of the trip, and I am dreading it. Before having a kid, I had already begun to look forward to flying about as much as having extractions during a facial without that great elixir, Herradura. What does this mean for me? A white knuckler, I like one, or twelve, drinks on a plane, just to smooth things out. Flying with a minor complicates things like drinking. I just imagine that someone would call the FAA’s version of CPS if I staggered down the aisle with her while I waved my scarf like a pom pom and sang Velvet Underground songs. You just can’t have fun on a plane like you used to….

Here are my top five worries:
5. Resorting to bribery to prevent any scenes, I will have given Kid so much juice while waiting at the airport, that her bladder will explode in her seat on our full flight, drenching her, me and the bag with extra clothes, too. Being sober, I will not be laughing.
4. Screaming. Screaming for freedom, screaming for treats, screaming for doing anything Mommy does not want or will be embarrassed by (”Mooommmmmmmyyyy, my butt itches!! I want to take off my pants and underweaaaarrrrr!). They can take you OFF planes these days for screaming, I heard.
3. Spilling. Spilling every drink the childless stewardess offers in cups with no lids so that when Mommy takes it away or drinks from it to lower the potential damage, we get #4.
2. No real Time Out space. Where can you leave your kid on a plane for Time Out?? Galley? Cockpit? The loo?
1. Bad weather, delays and circling, all prolonging the opportunities for #2-5 (as well as freaking me out since I am, sadly, sober).

I have to go find my Rescue Remedy now. Just proofreading this post raises my blood pressure……

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