free contraception for the “mature couple”

An average woman (or one of average morals) spends a good 15-20 years of her life trying NOT to get pregnant these days. Considering the investment in money, worry, pregnancy tests, and “concerned advice” from parental figures, you’d think a sneeze would do the trick. Then you get old. Who knew contraception could be so easy and so cheap!

Here is my list of FREE conception for the “mature couple” — (feel free to add to it)
1. 10 feet on the mattress at all times (parents, kid, dog)
2. Gravity (i.e., standing up)
3. Business travel
4. Big dinner
5. Movie viewing at night
6. “Smart” comment from spouse
7. Small hill developing in middle of old bed
8. Decongestants or other dehydrating foodstuffs
9. Dog located on #7 hill
10. Online shopping

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2 responses to “free contraception for the “mature couple”

  1. 11. Adult conversations after kids and/or dog goes to bed: next vacation, why somewone spent so much on last need/toy, who forgot to put that last ATM withdrawl into the check ledger, whos turn it is to mow the lawn….basically any conversation not directed at the kids or dog.

  2. Yikes! Yes, especially that cashola-related talk. Dangerous!